(Choir) # Show me a man
# Who's gentle and kind
# And I'll show you
# A loser
# Now show me a man
# Who takes what he wants
# Oh, how exciting
# So the poets sing
# When you're a fool in love
# And nothing goes the way you plan
# And no one cares
# And no one understands
# That you're a fool
# And you're in love
# Never another spring for you
# Never a robin to sing for you
# You're out there on your own
# When you're a fool in love
# Seems like the skies
# Are always gray
# You turn around, there's someone in your way
# And it's you
# And you're in love
# Sometimes you think that your luck has changed
# And a rainbow explodes 'cross the sky
# But when you're a fool in love
# You'll be a fool till the day you die #
(Man ) I know we haven't been together that long,
but these last 10 months have been the happiest of my life.
You're not only the person I love, you're also my best friend...
and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Will you marry me?
Yes.
Seriously, do you think that sounds good?
- No! - Really? Cos I think that...
No!
Oh! Oh! Sorry. Sorry.
Sometimes these catheters can pinch a little bit.
Well, thanks. I appreciate it.
You got a real gentle touch there, Doctor.
She won't be able to say no.
Actually, I'm a nurse. Doctor'll be right in.
- Good luck, Greg. - Thanks, Cameron.
OK, it's time for our problem of the week.
I want you to pick out your problem,
a problem that's been bothering you all week.
With your eyes still closed...
I want you to picture that problem in your mind.
Pretend it's right there in front of you.
..not only my best friend,
but you're also the person that I...
want to spend the rest of my life with.
I love you. Will you...marry me?
Now I want you to scare your problems away.
- I want you to say "boo"! - Boo!
- BOO! - BOO!
All right, you guys are great. Very good.
I will see you guys after lunch.
Pam, isn't that your special friend?
Yeah, I think so.
- Why don't you talk to him? - You think I should?
(Kids ) Yeah!
Come here!
(Giggling)
- Hi, sweetie. - How're you doing?
I was in the area, got off early, thought you'd want to go eat.
That's very sweet. What a nice surprise.
Oh, shoot! I forgot to change my shoes.
That's OK. You know I can't resist a man in nurse's shoes.
I got my sneakers here. Let me change. It'll take a second.
Huh! OK.
- Honey? - Hmm?
- Pam. - Yeah?
- I love you. - I love you, too.
Come on, sweetie. I got a half-hour before I have to be back.
So you wanna go have lunch?
(Chuckling) What are you doing?
Um, nothing. I just love you so much.
These last 10 months...have been the happiest of my life.
Yeah, they've been amazing, but... What's going on?
Nothing. I just...I just feel like, you know, we're so close.
You're my best friend, and you're also the woman that I love, and...
You OK, sweetie? You're acting weird.
I just got a crick in my neck.
I did CPR on a 300-pound crack head today.
- Want me to massage your neck? - No, no.
Honey, your kids are trying to tell you something!
- (Phone ) - Oh, hold on.
Oh, it's my sister. Hello. Hi.
You're engaged? Congratulations!
You're getting married in two weeks? That's...a little soon.
Mom and Dad...really don't know Bob very well. Dad was OK with this?
Wow. That was very thoughtful of him.
I can't believe he knew to ask Dad's permission.
Yeah.
I'm just here with Greg. He's taking me to lunch. He's OK.
I know you've got to go. All right. I love you. Bye.
So, what's going on? Debbie's marrying that guy?
Yeah. In two weeks.
Dr. Bob of Denver. Isn't that great?
Yeah, that's... Didn't they just meet a few months ago?
Yeah, but he asked her and she said yes.
Well, he asked my dad first.
Yeah, I overheard that. So he had to ask his permission?
No, he didn't have to.
Bob just understood that Dad appreciates that.
- Mm-hm. - Deb said that Dad loves him.
Bob bought him the perfect gift that just won him over.
Really. Huh, a gift.
(Pam ) Is it OK to X-ray this? (Greg) Yeah. It won't mutate.
- Sir, that's not gonna fit. - Wait a second.
It's too big. You got to check it.
(Beep )
Raise your arms, sir.
Look, I got an engagement ring in the bag,
so I can't open it here, can't I just carry it on?
If it don't fit through the frame, you ain't carrying it on the plane.
531, New York, La Guardia. Check it.
Wait, wait, excuse me...
Don't worry, it'll be waiting for you there.
(PA) 'Welcome to La Guardia Airport. Please follow the signs...'
Excuse me. Hi. You lost my bag and there's a diamond ring inside it.
I didn't lose your anything, sir.
Put your address here and we'll ship it when it surfaces.
And if it doesn't?
Am I supposed to go the whole weekend with just these clothes?
(Pam ) It's great. I just thought you were getting champagne.
Trust me, your dad's gonna love this gift.
Well, don't forget he's retired.
He was in the rare flower business, he'll be interested.
Sounds like they're hard to please.
No, not at all. He's the sweetest man in the world.
- He's gonna love you. I promise. - As much as he loves Dr. Bob?
(Pam ) Easy on the sarcasm. Humor is wasted on my parents.
(Greg) What, are they Amish?
(Greg) OK, no jokes.
- What are you doing? - What?
My dad sees smoking as a sign of weakness.
- OK, I'll leave them in the car. - No! He'll check there.
- Oh, gosh... - What...?!
Yeah, the roof is probably a better idea.
Oh, and...
we're not living together.
- I thought you said you told them. - Well...
Hi, Daddy! Hi!
- Oh, I missed you so much, Pamcake. - I missed you too, Popjack.
(Kissing)
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
(Both) Shortstack, shortstack, coming up!
Pop-pop, pop-pop, pop-pop-pop!
Mommy! My mom!
Oh, you look so beautiful!
(Pam ) So do you! Look at you!
Oh, I'm sorry. Mom, Dad, this is Greg.
- Hi, I'm Pam's father, Jack Byrnes. - It's great to meet you.
- I'm Dina. Welcome to Oyster Bay. - Thanks.
What you driving, a Ford?
Uh, yeah. It's a Taurus.
We were gonna get a mid-size,
but I figure, hey, pulling down decent bucks,
might as well go all out and pop for the full-size.
True. Interesting color. You pick it?
Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why?
Well, they say geniuses pick green.
- But you didn't pick it. - (Dina ) Jack!
(Sniffing)
Oh, yucky! What smells of old sour milk?
Oh, poor Greg got spit up on by a baby.
He didn't!
He did, Ma, at Lost Luggage. The airline lost his bag.
Oh! They didn't!
Yeah, they did.
- What about you, honey? - No, I carried on.
That's my girl!
It'll turn up, I'm sure.
And Greg, meanwhile, anything you need, just ask, huh?
That's right. Mi casa es su casa.
Oh, thanks, Jack. You, too.
Yeah, ha ha!
Hey, Momma, looks great!
Really? We spruced up for the wedding.
This is so nice!
(Jack) We like it.
(Greg) Beautiful.
Oh, now, Greg, you have a very unique last name.
And we were curious, er,
how do you pronounce it?
Oh. Just like it's spelled.
F-O-C-K-E-R.
Focker.
Hmm... Focker.
Mm-hm.
- I'll get it, honey. - Oh, thanks, Mom.
Oh, there he is!
(Pam ) Jinxy!
Come here, baby! Come to Daddy, Jinxy!
Come on, Jinxy!
Come here. Come to Daddy.
Come on. Oh! Taught him that in one week.
(Jack) This is Pam's cat, Jinxy.
- Say hello. Wave to Greg. - Hello, Jinx.
Attaboy! That took me another week.
- My gosh! - I didn't know you had a cat.
I left him here when I moved to Chicago.
Your daddy's best friend!
You won't believe it, he even taught him to use the potty.
Dad, that's kinda weird.
Why? Now we don't have to smell kitty litter.
That's right.
How did you teach the cat to use the toilet?
Easy. I designed a litter box to put inside the toilet.
Once he got used to it, I took it away.
Oh! That's... Yeah, makes sense.
But he doesn't like it. Every chance he gets he tries to squat and bury.
I had to move all my plants.
Plus you got another guy in the house to leave the seat up.
He can't lift the seat. He lacks the strength and opposable thumbs.
Ah, right. Opposable... Didn't think about that.
Jinx is a house cat. He can't go out. He lacks survival skills.
It's just one of those things.
I don't think Greg will be playing with Jinxy. He hates cats.
Pam, I don't hate cats.
I don't... I just happen to be more of a dog lover.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, it's OK if you hate cats, Greg.
I don't. I don't hate cats...at all.
That's OK. Just be honest about it. There's some things I hate.
I'm being honest, really. Like what?
Why don't we let the kids freshen up?
Greg, we'll get you something to wear from Jack's closet.
OK.
- Oh, honey. - Yeah?
I'm so happy you're home, sweetheart.
Me, too, Daddy.
Hey, listen, be nice to this one, OK?
I kinda like him.
OK, I'll try.
Thank you.
Shirt fit OK, Greg?
Fantastic. Thanks, Jack.
Good. Tom Collins coming up.
I wish you hadn't said that I hate cats.
You do hate cats.
But you didn't have to say right when we met.
I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Get your red hot pu-pus!
My goodness! What is that?
Oh, that's just... a little something from me.
Go ahead, open it up.
Oh, look, honey. Greg brought us a present!
Oh, isn't that nice?
Look at this. It's a flower pot... with the dirt in it.
Mm.
Actually, the real gift is what's planted in the soil.
The bulb of a Jerusalem Tulip.
Which, I was told,
is one of the rarest and most beautiful flowers in existence.
Oh, right, right. Uh, the Jerusalem.
From the Jerusalis tulipizius genus, yes, yes:
Anyway, the guy said with regular watering
it should bloom in six months.
Well, we'll look forward to that.
(Pam clears throat)
So, uh, Greg, how's your job?
Um, good, Pam. Thanks for asking.
I recently got transferred to triage.
Is that better than a nurse?
No, Mom, triage is a unit of the ER. That's where all the top nurses work.
- Well... - No. They do.
Not many men in your profession.
No, Jack. Not traditionally.
Mm-hm.
Pam, did you know that your father started his own business?
Really? Dad, that's great!
Oh, wow!
Yes, I thought with my experience, why let retirement stop me?
I really admire that.
So what is it? What's...? What's the new venture?
Oh, let me ask you a question, Greg.
Let's say you have kids and you wanna get out of the house, you know?
So you hire a baby-sitter, someone you think you can trust.
References, experience - all check out fine.
But, how do you know for certain
that your loved ones are safe with this stranger?
I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg?
Sure. I think so.
No. The answer is you cannot.
Let me show you something.
Take a look at this, Greg.
What's this look like to you?
It looks like a teddy bear.
Smile. You're on nanny camera!
Oh! Oh!
I've seen these advertised on TV.
Not like this you haven't. Take a look.
- Oh, my gosh. - Oh.
Hi. Where's the other camera?
Right here in this decorative artifact.
- That's great. - Our cameras are motion activated.
They tape as soon as they sense any movement.
We can hide them in mirrors, lamps, you name it.
So no matter where you go... we'll be watching you.
Greg, when you have little Fockers running around,
you'll see the need for protection.
(Pam ) Yeah.
- Impressive, isn't it? - Quite.
(Phone )
- I'll get that. - I'll get it.
OK.
Any problem with the documents?
Good. I'll meet you at the Oyster Bay drugstore in about 20 minutes.
You gotta be careful if you call here.
If I don't answer,
use a southern accent and ask for the vegetarian special.
(Pam ) And the wedding's on Sunday?
Oh, that wasn't the airline, was it?
No, wrong number. We're out of Collins, so I'll go to the store.
I thought I just bought some.
You know how that stuff just goes. Back in a jif.
Well, why doesn't Greg go with you?
You'll need something in case your suitcase doesn't show up.
- I'm sure it'll show up. - Yeah.
Don't take a chance. You don't even have a toothbrush. Go on.
Yeah.
OK, unless you want some privacy.
Why would I need privacy?
No, I didn't...think you would.
OK, let's head out.
- Bye. - Have fun, you guys.
Pam, he seems wonderful!
He is. We have the best time together.
Good.
- Now, have you two been mm-mm-mm? - Mother!
No! Thinking about anything permanent?
I don't know. We haven't discussed it, but,
I definitely have the feeling this is it.
Oh.
Dad seems to like him, don't you think?
Absolutely.
It's a big day Saturday.
Yes.
This car's...
You got... What do you use, unleaded, regular unleaded?
- Premium. - Uh-huh.
Hey, Jack, now that... Now that we have a second to talk,
I just want you to know how much Pam means to me.
I know we haven't been together that long,
but the time that we have spent together has been incredible.
Greg, how come you don't like cats?
I don't not like cats.
I just...I just prefer dogs.
I mean, I'm just more of a dog kind of... You know.
You come home, they're...
wagging their little tails, happy to see you.
You need that assurance, do you?
I...
When you yell at a dog, his tail goes between his legs
and covers his genitals, his ears go down.
A dog is easy to break. But cats make you work for their affection.
They don't sell out like dogs.
Huh.
You like Peter, Paul, and Mary?
(Music starts on stereo )
Yes, I do. I'm a big fan.
# Puff, the magic dragon
# Lived by the sea... #
Great song.
Yeah. One of my favorites.
Who would've thought it wasn't really about a dragon, huh?
What do you mean?
You know, the whole drug thing.
No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?
Some people, uh...
think that...
To "puff the magic dragon" means...
they're really... Erm...
To smoke a...smoke...
..a marijuana cigarette.
Well, Puff's just the name of the boy's magical dragon.
Right.
- Are you a pot head, Focker? - No! No. What?
No, no, no, Jack. No, I'm...I'm not. I...
I pass on grass...all the time.
I mean not all the time...
- Yes or no? - No. Yes. No.
Greg, I'll meet you out front in about...12 to 15 minutes.
OK.
Oh.
Hey. Hi.
- Hey. - Hi.
Do you have any nicotine patches?
No. We have the gum.
All right.
You chew it.
Thank you. And what's your most expensive bottle of champagne?
Mumm's. It's on sale for $13.95.
That's it? You don't have a nice $80 or $100 bottle or something?
You can get a whole bunch of Mumm's.
- Focker? - Jack. Ready to go?
Rough and ready, yeah. They ran out of Collins mix.
You been waiting long?
No! I was just reading up about...
::pumps:
Pumps?
Yes. Breast pumps.
I grew up on a farm.
Get your hot buns. Hot patooties.
Wow, Dina, everything looks fabulous.
It's such a treat to have a home-cooked meal like this.
Dinner at my house meant fighting over containers of Chinese food.
Oh, you poor thing! There wasn't enough food to go around?
No, there was. We just never really sat down like a family like this.
Oh!
Greg, would you like to say grace?
Uh, well, Greg's Jewish, Dad. You know that.
You're telling me the Jews don't pray, honey?
Unless you have some objection?
No, no, no. I'd love to.
Pam, it's not like I'm a rabbi or something.
I've said grace at many... a dinner table.
(Greg) OK.
Oh...dear God...
Thank you.
You are such a good God to us. A kind and gentle and...
accommodating...God.
And we thank you, O, sweet, sweet Lord of Hosts,
for the...
..smorgasbord you have so aptly lain at our table this day...
and each day...by day...
Day by day...by day.
O...dear Lord, three things we pray.
To love thee more dearly,
to see thee more clearly,
to...follow thee more nearly,
day by day...by day. Amen.
Amen.
Oh, Greg, that was lovely.
Thank you, Greg. That was interesting, too.
Oh. That's a...that's a lovely vase.
It looks great.
Let me guess, is that one of your secret cameras, too, huh?
Ah-booga-booga-booga! Whooh!
Greg...
(Whispering) That urn holds the remains of Jack's mother.
Oh. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That...
That's all right. You didn't know.
I'm...
That's our Gran-Gran.
We like to think of her as watching over us as we eat.
Love you, Ma. Miss you.
Miss you every day.
Oh, honey, why don't you read Greg your poem?
Oh, no. He doesn't want to hear that.
What? No, what poem?
You see, when Jack had to retire for health reasons...
That's a bunch of malarkey.
..the doctor thought it would be therapeutic
if he expressed his emotions in an artistic way.
You wrote a beautiful poem about your mother.
Please, we really want to hear it.
- Poem! Poem! - Please?
All right.
It's a work in progress.
I'm still not happy with it.
As soon as it's ready,
I'm going to glaze it onto a plate and put it next to the urn.
Nice.
It's very special.
My Mother...by Jack Byrnes.
You gave me life, you gave me milk,
you gave me courage:
Your name was Angela,
the angel from heaven.
But you were also an angel of God, and He needed you, too.
Selfishly, I tried to keep you here,
while the cancer ate away your organs,
like an unstoppable rebel force,
but I couldn't save you,
and I shall see your face...
nevermore,
nevermore:
Until we meet...
in Heaven.
Oh...
Daddy, that's beautiful.
It just gets me...
Amazing. So-so-so much love, yet also so much...information.
It takes a lot out of him.
Greg, would you like some yams?
Thank you. Oh, yeah.
You must have had vegetables fresher than that growing up on a farm.
Dad, Greg grew up in Detroit.
He told me he grew up on a farm.
Do they have many farms in Detroit?
No, Dina. Not a lot. In fact, Jack, I should clarify this.
I didn't actually grow up... on a farm per se.
The house that we grew up in was originally erected
in the early Dutch farm... colonial style.
So, that plus we had a lot of pets...
Which one did you milk then?
Dad!
Honey, he said he'd pumped milk.
What have you ever milked?
Cat.
A cat?
I milked a cat once. You wanna hear a story?
Sure.
My sister had a cat and the cat birthed a litter of kittens.
There must have been 30 of them.
There was this runt, this sweet little,
Little-Engine-That-Could runt who could...
Wanted to get up there but couldn't really get access to the...
To the...uh...teat.
Teat?
Dad.
What have you. I went in and just simply...
You know, just...
Into a little saucer.
And then took the saucer and fed it to Geppetto.
That was his name. Geppetto.
I had...I had no idea you could milk a cat.
You can milk anything with nipples.
I have nipples. Could you milk me?
OK, can we change the subject, perhaps?
Oh, champagne! I thought we could celebrate with some bubbly.
That'd be great. Good idea.
"I have nipples. Can you milk me?"
Well, in a funny way you've already seen Deb's ring.
Mm-hm. That's true.
Would anybody care for some of Oyster Bay's finest champagne?
That is so sweet of you. Isn't that a nice gesture?
Yeah, very nice.
How could I have seen Debbie's ring?
When I gave Bob the OK, I put him in touch with my diamond guy
and he picked the exact same design that Kevin gave you.
- Kevin your old boyfriend? - Thanks, Dad.
Kevin was Pam's fiancé.
Ohh!
- Oh. - Argh!
- Oh! - Ohh!
- Oh! - Oh, my God!
Jinxy, no! Psst!
- Ohh... - Jinxy, no!
Shit!
Greg, sweetie, how are you doing?
Fine, considering I desecrated your grandma's remains,
found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him.
At least then he was talking to me, so...
You didn't say you were that close.
- Who, Daddy and me? - No, Kevin and you.
Do we have to know everything about each other?
I never knew about your cat-milking.
That was a long time ago, Pam.
OK, well, so was this. Kevin's and my...
connection was more... physical than anything else.
No, no, it was nothing.
It was...just a stupid sexual thing.
I'm gonna go throw up now.
Oh, Greg. Kevin and I were only engaged for a month
before I realized it was a mistake.
I-I gave back the ring, I moved to Chicago
and I met and fell in love with you, so can we please drop this?
- OK. - Good.
I just feel this isn't going well. Your dad hates me.
He doesn't hate you, sweetie. Just give him a chance, all right?
Maybe he's nervous, too, huh?
I thought he would love my gift, being this big flower guy,
but it's like...he didn't show the slightest bit of interest.
Listen to me, forget the gift.
You're the most adorable, loving,
sweetest man in the world and I love you.
And very soon my parents are gonna see that
and grow to love you, too, OK?
OK?
Mm-hm.
Speaking of growing to love you...
- It's late. - I know it's late.
But Mr. Winkie is still on Chicago time
and we both know there's only one way to make Mr. Winkie go away, right?
- (Knock on door) - And there it is.
What's with the robe?
It's Pam's. My pajamas are in the suitcase.
Hey, I'll lend you a pair of Jack's.
- OK, honey? - Sure.
You don't have to do that.
- No, no. - No, we have to.
- Thank you. - (Dina ) You're welcome.
I just want to say don't worry about what happened.
Oh. Well, thanks, Jack.
I still... I feel horrible, I mean...
Well, it was a horrible thing.
But let's put all that behind us and enjoy our weekend together.
OK.
Thank you, Daddy.
Chug-chug-chug...
Thank you. These'll do just fine.
Good night.
Night. Why'd you give him my favorite pair?
Night, see you in the morning, right?
- Have a good sleep. - You, too.
Oh, no, no, Greg, we made up the pullout for you down in the den.
Oh. OK, cos Pam said I should sleep in Debbie's room, but...
Debbie's sleeping here tomorrow so you'll have more privacy,
your own bathroom.
Just try not to flush the toilet. It's a little quirky.
OK.
Oh, one more thing.
Look, I understand you've probably had premarital relations with my Pam,
but under our roof, it's my way
or the Long Island Expressway, is that understood?
Of course. Yeah.
Good. Keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.
OK.
(Phone ) 'Welcome to Atlantic American Airways.
'Customer satisfaction always comes first.
'We have heavy call logging.
'As your call is important to us it will be answered in 27 minutes.
'Press 1 to talk to a representative.'
(Beep )
'We are closed. Please call back.'
Oh!
Sorry.
There's just something about him that's a little off.
Yeah, yeah. Jack.
We've been through this with every boyfriend since,
I think Greg is a lovely young man.
And honey, Pam thinks he might be the one.
She said that? She said those exact words?
Well, I didn't tape record her, Jack, but that's the impression I got.
I feel sorry that boy never had...
What kind of a family doesn't sit down for dinner?
Fugitives.
Try to enjoy the weekend, honey.
- Both our daughters are in love. - That's what I'm worried about.
Oh...
Oh, jeez. I just realized something.
- What? - Pam's middle name.
Martha... Oh, no.
(Both) Pamela Martha Focker.
(Yells)
"Operation Ko Samui"?
(Jack) Looking for something, Greg?
Oh. Jesus, Jack, you scared me.
Well, I heard a noise so I came to see if everything was OK.
I just... I'm sorry, I saw a light on in here and I kinda stumbled in...
That's OK. See anything interesting?
No. Not at all. I mean...I mean, this is great, though.
I love this... What you... It's a cozy little nook.
I noticed you were looking at that.
Yeah.
It's an antique polygraph machine.
Is that what that is?
I've seen these before but never up close.
You know what?
Why don't you try that on?
Oh...that's OK.
We'll have some fun! I'll show you how it works.
- I shouldn't. - Why? You've nothing to hide.
- No. I know. - So there's no problem.
- No, there's no problem. - So try it on.
- OK. - I'll help you.
Don't worry, you'll enjoy this.
All right.
Looks complicated. Now, these aren't 100% accurate, right?
You'd be surprised how accurate they are.
They can tell if someone's lying.
Now I'm gonna ask you some questions.
All you have to do is answer yes or no.
OK.
All right, let's give it a whirl.
- Did you fly on an airplane today? - Yes, I did.
No peeking. Did we eat pot roast for dinner tonight?
Yes.
Was it undercooked?
N-n-no, it was rare. It was a little rare for my taste,
but I...I wouldn't...
I'm just kidding. I'm just... OK.
(Hyperventilating)
Relax, relax. The needles are jumping.
Have you ever watched pornographic videos?
(Needles jumping)
No.
- I mean, well, I don't... - Yes or no?
Hey.
Oh.
What's the matter, you can't sleep?
No, I'm just going over my answers
from the polygraph test your dad gave me.
- Oh, no, he didn't? - Yeah, he did.
Well, did you lie to him?
No! I mean... Well, he asked me if we were living together, I...
What did you tell him?
Nothing. Your mother walked in and I yanked the thingies off.
Would you react like this if he shoved bamboo shoots up my nails?
Or does he hook all your boyfriends up to his little machine?
He doesn't need a machine. He's a human lie detector.
What?
My father was never in the rare flower business.
That was just his cover.
He was in the CIA for 34 years.
How could you not tell me this?
I wanted to, honey,
but it was strictly on a "need-to-know" basis.
So, what, he's in the CIA? He was a spy? He is a spy...?
No, he was a psychological profiler.
He interrogated double agents in the company.
Oh, that's great.
I was scared of your dad when he was a florist.
It's wonderful to know I've got a CIA spy hunter on my ass.
Would you stop? You're doing great, OK?
This is a lot to take in, honey. I'm sorry.
It's just weird.
I know, but you're doing fine. I promise.
- No! - What's wrong, sweetie?
I forgot. I'm not supposed to let the snake out.
You what?
I told your dad I wouldn't touch you.
Well, I'm not in junior high any more, OK?
No, seriously. I wanna try to respect his rules, OK?
OK. Fine.
You go ahead and get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning.
OK.
Morning, Greg.
Morning.
Pam told me she let you in on a little secret of mine last night.
Yes, she did.
As long as you keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life,
you're in no immediate danger.
I won't tell.
I'm just being humorous.
Ha. That's funny.
The fact is, Greg, with the knowledge you've been given
you are now on the inside of what I like to call
the Byrnes Family Circle of Trust.
I keep nothing from you, you keep nothing from me
and round and round we go.
OK.
Understood.
OK, good. Come on, let's go inside and have breakfast.
# Jinxy cat, Jinxy cat, where are you?
# I love you #
Jinxy.
Not at the table, honey, please.
Attaboy!
Hey, hey, look who's up!
You must be Greg.
Hello.
Somebody had a little visit from the hair fairy.
Oh, yes.
Nice do. Nice do.
I'll do the intros. This is my sister Debbie.
- The bride to be. Congratulations. - Hi.
- And her fiancé Dr. Bob. - Oh, call me Bob...MD.
And his parents, Linda Banks.
Hi, how are you?
And the world famous plastic surgeon Dr. Larry.
Oh, now, cut that out!
(All laugh)
- Greg's in medicine, too, Larry. - Oh, really? What field?
Uh, nursing.
- That's good. - No, really, what field?
Nursing.
Why don't I get you a chair, Greg?
Thank you. Thanks.
So, you didn't want to go for the MD?
No, I thought about it but I decided it wasn't for me.
Just as well, Board's a killer.
Actually Greg aced his MCATs.
- You serious? - No, I did OK.
Oh, he did more than OK, trust me.
Why did you take the test?
I wanted to keep my options open. Nursing was just better for me.
You can work in several different areas.
I can focus 100% on patient care. Doctors have bureaucracy...
Uh-oh! Wasn't your friend Andy supposed to be here by now?
Oh, I thought Deb told you, Dr. Andy can't make the wedding.
Damn! Now I have to reconfigure the whole procession.
Um...Bob, why doesn't Greg stand in for Andy, be the usher?
Oh... No, Pam. No.
That'll be fine. Bob, Greg will be your second usher.
Uh... Yeah, yeah. OK, sure.
Good. Well, let's all finish up and get ready to go.
We have a pre-activity briefing in about 32 minutes.
Really! In that case, I'd better get upstairs
and pay a visit to the shower fairy.
Dina, thank you so...
Hey, you OK?
Why didn't you wake me up?
- I thought you'd like to sleep late. - Not when I'm a guest.
It's OK.
No, it's not OK. Tell that to Dr. Torquemada and his Inquisition.
Go take a shower, get dressed and come down.
- In what? - Borrow some of Dad's clothes.
- No, I don't... Come on! - Why not?
I don't feel comfortable wearing your dad's underwear.
OK, go wake up Denny and borrow some of his.
Wake up your brother, who I never met, to borrow his clothes?
OK. All right. Where's Denny's room?
Top of the stairs, turn right.
(Knocks )
Denny?
(Rap music)
Hello?
Hey, hey! What the hell are you doing here?
I'm...I'm Greg, Pam's friend.
Were you sniffing my boxers, dude?
No! Dude, no. She said I could come up and borrow some clothes from you.
- No, no. Close the door...quick. - OK.
- You tell anybody I wasn't here? - No. They think you're asleep,
so, it's all good.
You scared me.
Your dad keeps you guys under a close watch, huh?
No, it's not that bad.
Your little Pamcake's got it a lot worse than I do.
Oh! You need some clothes.
Yes, that would be great, thanks.
Hey, glad to hook you up. All right.
Like what you've done with the crib.
Oh, Lil' Kim. She's phat.
P-H phat.
These ought to do it. Here you go, chief.
- All right! - Enjoy.
- Thanks a lot. - No problem.
Oh, don't worry about the little covert op, all right?
- Keep it on the low down. - Down low.
No doubt.
Come get your revised itineraries!
- Larry and Linda. - Got it.
Bob. Honey.
I'm gonna activate the alarm. It'll go off in T minus 16 seconds.
- I don't need a jacket. - It's cold out. Hold on.
Here, take Denny's jacket.
Denny, I'm lending Greg your jacket.
- Whatever. - Let's go.
Fuck!
- Denny! How's the tux fit? - Dad. Uh...
What's that?
Oh, it's a sculpture I found in Greg's jacket.
This isn't a sculpture. It's a device for smoking marijuana.
Really?
Not mine. It's not.
Jack. How are you doing?
Like the top hat. It compliments you.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sit down.
Did I not clearly explain the Circle of Trust to you, Greg?
Mm, yeah. I think I got it.
Then, is there something you want to tell me?
Mm, I... I don't think so.
Didn't we discuss this in the car?
Oh! Yes! You mean me and Pam. I'd love to talk to you about that.
Not about Pam, we're talking about you.
If I can't trust you, Greg, then I have no choice
but to put you outside the Circle.
And once you're out, there's no coming back.
Mmm.
I would definitely like to stay inside the Circle.
Well, then tell me the truth.
OK.
Jack, I don't know what we're talking about.
All right, Focker, I'm a patient man.
That's what 19 months in a Vietnamese prison camp'll do to you.
But I will be watching you, studying your every move,
and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my firstborn child,
I will bring you down, baby.